I filled in for the receptionist in a brothel

So, what do you think of the banner on my page? I love it! It’s bright and vibrant but when I excitedly showed my friend Jane she said “Ohhh I don’t know Darl, it looks a bit like a porn shop doesn’t it?” I replied “You think? I don’t mind that – it jumps out at you.”

Couple of things about Jane’s response; she drives past a sex shop to-and-from work that has huge pink signage all over it so that may have coloured her judgement, so to speak.

Speaking of sex shops, I happened to be in one last weekend for the first time in AGES. I was meeting my lovely friend Fiona at the Woolloongabba Antiques Shop and she was running late after her bridal gown fitting, so as I was parked in front of one I thought I’d duck in. It’s close to the brothel I used to work in.

My days working in a brothel

Ok, I’ll go back a bit. A couple of years ago I was doing a pilot radio show about relationships and I went to a legal brothel to interview the manager.

The receptionist was sick and had to go home and it was surprisingly busy for a Tuesday afternoon, so I offered to answer the phones and ended up working there for a few days on reception. When I was in high school I worked on reception at Dad’s motel. A switchboard is a switchboard.

I really enjoyed it! It was hilarious. “Good evening, thank you for calling The Pleasure House*, your pleasure is our business,” Soooo many stories from the brothel to share, but back to the sex shop.

Do you think people are offended by sex shops these days or are we OK with them? We didn’t have one in the small town where I grew up (well not that I knew of) although there was a brothel above the gun shop so the rumours went. I suspect because we are bombarded with sex and the sexualisation of so many things, it has become a bit passé being outraged or offended by sex shops hasn’t it?

What you’ll find inside…

Couple of things – nobody who works in a sex shop is ever called Lisa or Judy. They are called Elvira or Destiny and wear a tremendous amount of makeup.

I was just browsing and laughing my head off at some of the goods on offer. Who couldn’t use a penis shaped cake tin? They had them in both the foil/disposable version and the tin mould. Because you’re going to makes HEAPS of cakes in the shape of a penis and would need a sturdy cake tin that lasts.

Did you know they have a Seinfeld porno? When you glance at the cover it looks like the real version. A trap for young players surely…

Elvira could not have been more helpful. She was a delight! Non-threatening, knew her products and had a good sense of humour about the whole thing.

They were even having a sale on the whole “Fetish” line of goods (spandex hoods, leather leash and collar). Now I grew up riding horses competitively and their crops and whips were really good quality at very reasonable prices. Seriously, they would give Greg Grant’s a run for their money.

I would like to thank the mature lady also browsing who recommended using a liberal amount of talc to get into the leather costumes. She winked at me and said “There’s no substitute for experience Love.” Amen to that sister!

So what do you think of the banner on my page?

 * Not its real name