Dr Doolittle

August 1, 2017

So you know how I can talk to animals…..

Oh – haven’t I told you about that? Yeah, I can communicate with animals. No really, I can. Especially dogs but most animals actually – although fish are tricky and frogs for the obvious reason. Probs need to brush up on my Spider too seeing they appear to have started their campaign to become the dominant species on the planet.

Did you see those two recent stories about the enormous Hunstman spiders? One was minding its own business in the outdoor furniture and accidentally immigrated to the UK. No wonder it was annoyed. He scared the bejesus out of the English removalists and I believe they are now calling him “Convict’s Revenge”. The other one was on the Sunshine Coast who lost two legs in an assault from the humans with the sliding door but lived to come back and haunt the owners of the house. I’d be sleeping with one eye open if I were them.

I was reading about this snake a while ago, and this poor fella was apprehended when the NSW police raided a drug den. Apparently it’s quite common for people running drug labs keep snakes in there to discourage people from stealing their stash, which I’m sure works really well.

The snake had become addicted to ice because he lived in a meth lab where the drugs were manufactured and had absorbed the drug fumes and particles in the air through his skin. Now, I don’t know if you’ve seen those ads on ice addiction but the effect on humans is terrifying and sadly it was no different for the snake. When I read this article I thought “God humans are bullshit” and don’t get me started on the documentary Blackfish which is hands down the most traumatising film I have ever seen. It’s about the killer whales held in captivity particularly poor Tilikum, the killer whale who mercifully died in January after what can only be described as a life time of torture. It’s truly heartbreaking.

So back to snake, authorities said the two metre python was totally on edge, very aggressive and wanting to strike. Pythons are normally fairly sedate creatures, yes they are still snakes and behaviourally they can be a little bit snappy, but they are constrictors and not poisonous and they just lie around.

Can’t imagine seeing a photo of that poor snake in the Sunday Mail as a pet up for adoption, can you? I’d like to see that Animal Psychic Amanda Warren do a reading for him. I bet he is waaaay pissed off about his indentured servitude.

There was a happy ending for the snake though, which made me so happy. He was rehabilitated in the Windsor Correctional Centre by inmates and after seven months he was ok. A number of prisoners work in the Wildlife Centre which is based at the correctional facility. (PS they looked after 40 snakes last year. 40!! That’s terrible!). I don’t believe it was called as witness in the trial against the people running the drug lab due to a lack of interpreters.

I am a huge pest out in world for a dazzling array of reasons Dear Reader, but mostly because I cannot leave my house for a run without stopping to pat dogs also out exercising. I strike up conversations with their owners (who I’m sure found me annoying apart from recognising their dog is beautiful) and if it wouldn’t be really awkward, I would cheerfully dog-knap my good friend Lou’s dog Charles. He’s a cattle dog dachshund cross who at the age of 11 has recently undergone a Steve Carell style make-over with his family now revelling in his newly svelte shape (due to an operation) and general renewed zest for life. I even used to go out with a vet, mostly because I thought that his profession would automatically mean he was a good bloke. Meh… sort of true.

I was house-sitting recently for a friend who had gone on holidays with her family and couldn’t take their adopted greyhound with them. I am so in love with this dog which could be partly because the he reminds me so much of my Frusband. Like him, he lies around all day doing next to nothing showing no interest in exerting himself, expects me to feed him and pay him attention but he’s very affectionate, smart and just gorgeous. I’d sit on the lounge after dinner and he’d come and put his head on my lap for pat. LOVE HIM!

Research proves having a dog (or pet) is really good for us. Did you know that 62% of Aussies have pets? That’s one of the highest rates in the world with dogs coming in the number spot for most popular type of pet. So if you’re one of the 38% of people thinking about getting a pet, there are so many beautiful animals looking for homes. Check it out here and here!

Alexandria Bernard on BloggerAlexandria Bernard on Twitter
Alexandria Bernard
With a successful 20+ year career in media and communications, Alex’s media portfolio includes contracts as a radio and television presenter (612 ABC, 4BC, Channel 9 and Network Ten) and as a feature writer for bmag and Brisbane Times.

Alex's voice and face may be familiar to you from her voiceover and television commercial work. She has been featured in national radio and TV advertising campaigns, corporate videos and has been a regular MC for major events.