Aliens Have Landed

March 20, 2017

Picture: Vox

I notice that movie ‘Arrival’ with Amy Adams (LOVE HER!) has just been released on DVD (or on iTunes or Foxtel store whatever it is now – SIDEBAR: I am the only person left with a DVD player?)

It’s about these giant octopus-like creatures who come to earth – which made me hungry for calamari – and then it all goes horribly wrong and ends in tears.

This reminded me of Shane Warne’s insightful musings on the first season of ‘I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!’ when he shared his theory on aliens building the pyramids.

I’m more inclined to think it was ancient civilisations using complex mathematics, but hey, I’m open minded…

Then last week I read an article about crop circles. There’s a theory that says they are made by either aliens or even humans who have travelled back in time to leave us or themselves messages via their intricate patterns.

This theory has been developed by scientist Dr Horace Drew who has devoted his life to the study of them.

Apparently the messages that have been decoded say things including “Much pain but still time. Believe. There is good out there” and “Beware the bearers of false gifts and their broken promises”.

I have to say it sounds a bit to me as though the aliens or future humans have been through a bad break up. Or that they have just realised Donald Trump is now President of the USA.

Dr Drew goes on to say that their contact is similar to the way we try to communicate with dolphins and whales through studying their behaviour rather than the “Take me to your Leader!” Hollywood stereotype we’ve created.

I’m just going to leave aside the fact people have created made-man crop circles as a hoax which has been considered authentic but I would like to ask the future humans or aliens if they could work on a few things for us present day humans.

Alien/Future Human Things To Do List:

Create a language that would allow the current male humans to understand the current female humans – i.e. “Darling, we’ve got people coming over, can you give me a hand?” does NOT sound to the menfolk as though we are actually saying to lie on the lounge watching the rugby for the next two hours.

Create and magically implement universal driving skills that stop people who drive slowly on the highway and then speed up when there’s an overtaking lane or drive along with their indicator on or no apparent reason.

Rewire people’s brains to prevent them from jumping queues – I personally believe this will go a long way to creating world peace.

Stop 1980’s fashions from ever happening.

Invent a mammogram machine that doesn’t feel like a truck running over your boob.

Make IKEA navigationally less complex.

Make chocolate a slimming agent.

Ensure women get the same pay as men for the same jobs.

Stop Ben Affleck from making anymore crap movies.

Program cane toads to hop in the opposite direction to humans.

I’m sure there are dozens of other things they could do but this is just a start.

Alexandria Bernard on BloggerAlexandria Bernard on Twitter
Alexandria Bernard

With a successful 20+ year career in media and communications, Alex’s media portfolio includes contracts as a radio and television presenter (612 ABC, 4BC, Channel 9 and Network Ten) and as a feature writer for bmag and Brisbane Times.


Alex’s voice and face may be familiar to you from her voiceover and television commercial work. She has been featured in national radio and TV advertising campaigns, corporate videos and has been a regular MC for major events.


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